But the Steps are especially useful if you dating a PIR, because the skills you learn from the Steps may be helpful in your relationship.
Step Four asks people to make "a searching and fearless moral inventory" of themselves.
It is obviously very important, therefore, for PIRs to identify and release their resentments in a constructive way.
When people work Step Four, they begin to realize that in order to stay clean and sober, they need to handle all their feelings--the good, the bad, and the ugly ones--in a healthy and safe way rather than covering them up with mood-altering chemicals or addictive behaviors.
Many PIRs who have numbed their feelings for so long start to actually feel again.
Others might become ready to face past traumas such as sexual, physical, or emotional abuse, and they might realize they need professional help to deal with painful and upsetting memories.
If you sense (or know) this is the case with your PIR, it's good to give them some space and lots of tender support and encouragement, remembering that you can't be their therapist, but you can be their friend. Nagy is a college professor, actor, and songwriter.
Many PIRs [people in recovery] also need help establishing healthy relationships.
Some PIRs come from unhappy families in which emotional or physical abuse and addiction were common.
A business that tries to sell useless or damaged things goes broke; a PIR who holds on to useless and unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and behaviors also goes "broke" and risks relapse.
The Big Book, page 64, says that "resentment is the 'number one' offender," and that it destroys more addicts than anything else does.
And I certainly didn't know that, as someone in a relationship with a PIR, it would have been good for me to do these Steps as well.
Now I've discovered that these "relationship" Steps are a balanced, healthy way even for non-PIRs to examine their own selves and their relationships with others.
They work on taking responsibility for the harm they have caused others, and acknowledge the harm that others have caused them.