If we’re really doing our best to manage our symptoms, who’s to say who’s at fault when a relationship ends? Before I knew I had ADHD, I blamed them for the tumult and drama of my short-lived relationships…and wondered what was wrong with me for attracting such unavailable men.That explains a good deal of the drama surrounding my breakup with now-NYC-based photoblogger (and friend), Devyn.ADHDers can spend their whole lives fighting this single inner demon and still never fully feel they’ve gotten ahead of it.
The next day, I sat with him on my couch and told him about that voice. The moral of this story is we ADHDers need to allow ourselves–force ourselves, if necessary–to treat ourselves with kindness and a big, fat open heart when it comes to our normal, human foibles, of which ADHD symptoms are certainly a part.
Until then, I’d never really shared my hidden monologue of low expectations with anyone. Staying as aware and in the moment as possible and reminding ourselves that happiness in love–and every other domain of life–is inherently possible is of critical importance to avoid giving into our deeply seated low expectations about the future.
After all, if my ADHD life is going to be played out as a foregone conclusion, I’d rather that conclusion be a happy one. Or as I put it to Frank last night over dinner, “So it wasn’t my ADHD…Hey!
ADD is a mysterious condition of opposites and extremes.
However, when they are interested in a specific topic, they zone in so deep that it’s hard to pull them out of that zone.
Starting a project is a challenge; but stopping it is an even bigger challenge.
Instead of keeping the focus on what’s in front of them, people with ADD are staring at the colors in the painting on the wall.
Like walking through a labyrinth, they start moving in one direction, but keep changing directions to find the way out.
Yesterday I began exploring ADHD “paralysis”, a sense of overwhelm unique to people with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder that freezes us in place and robs us of economic productivity by causing us to hyperfocus on fear of failure.
As promised for Valentine’s Day, today I want to talk about how that fear of failure, never far from the surface for ADHDers on the best of days, works to sabotage our love relationships, too.
Of course, we ADHDers like everyone else do our best to present ourselves as well-adjusted, minimally baggaged individuals.